random ramblings

It has been a really long time since Ive done a regualar post and not just a meme.. SO things around here have been pretty crazy. Back in May i discovered i was expecting only to lose the baby the next week. Two weeks later I went to the doctor for my final blood drawl and check up and low and behold I already pregnant again.. So having just lost a baby and being prego again I m constantly worried about losing this one. Ive also not completely done greiving the loss of "micah " we gave the baby a gender neutral name . It had a heart beat so to us it was a child. i want to be excited for the arrival of our new baby but i also dont want to feel like this one is a replacement baby. Just because im expecting doesnt replace the pain and feelings of sadness of micah. also so far ive been REALLY sick with Pnut ( that is the new baby's name until we find out what we are having ) Thank goodness for my sister or i dont know what i would have done. until the past few days could only keep down toast and sweet tea. and had done NOTHING around the house.. she had done it all along with my hubby.. god bless that sweet man.. But while in bed for those couple of weeks I've had a lot of time to think and study my bible and figure out a few things about why i believe what i believe. I.. E.. I believe children are a blessing from god and that god controls how many should have but that doesnt mean im goin to be the next duggar family either.. I believe no matter how hateful someone has been you, it is on you to forgive and forget and try to move on and get along no matter how much you really would feel relieved if you could just tellthem off or punch them. but that wouldn't be the christian thing to do .To be thankful for the small things like if your husband his home every night. some husbands wont be home for a year or more cause they are fighting oversees for our freedoms.. How fast kids grow up . My oldest is starting preschool in august and i m not sure if im ready for her to be that old.
How simple things can make you just as happy as fancy things. we have spend SEVERAL night at my father in laws picking the garden and processing the okra, squash, corn , tomato's, bell peppers, cucumbers. We made some out of this world dill pickles and fresh salsa. Better than you can by at the store and so much healthier to. Just some down home family time. Now if i could just find a friend or two to hang out with .. I m still wishing I had a few more people I could confide in and hang out with .. my sister and hubby get tired of being my only friends I see on a regular basis.. well I m done rambling.. I guess I m off to bed I hope everyone Is well .